Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
