happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
