Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
