You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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