it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
