She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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