Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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