he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
