i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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