please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
