I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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