oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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