allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
