I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
