wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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