Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
