glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
