I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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