Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
