Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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