I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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