i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
