If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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