Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
