I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
