You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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