i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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