Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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