Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
