Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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