the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
