there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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