Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
