White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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