wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
