Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
