My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
