my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
