I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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