college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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