how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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