I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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