We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's the barista slut.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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