3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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