We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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