Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
