cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
