haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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