Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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