Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
