I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
