When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think your dad took our porno
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
FUCK WHALES
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
