birth control should be required to get into college
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize