a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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