he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
