Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
