I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
