this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
