What did we do last night that was yellow?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
