You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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