really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
