I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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