um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
