Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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