Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
