I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
